last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
