remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
