My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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