You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The struggles of a small town man whore
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
