I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
