worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
