We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
