yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
