Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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