She said her name was "party"
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
