i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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