Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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