I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
