I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
