Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
