Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
