Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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