i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
