im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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