it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
should my penis look like a turkey
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
