Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
