went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
