I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My ass is underappreciated
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
