he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize