I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
