We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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