I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
