he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
