It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
