the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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