Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
