The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
