i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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