Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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