So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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