i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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