State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
