yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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