worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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