Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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