I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
