I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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