Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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