Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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