Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
