Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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