I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
