What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
