Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
