..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
