I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
