Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
