A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me I talked like a deaf person
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
