I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
